you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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