Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
