How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
false alarm. still invincible.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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