Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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