well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
