My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
