Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
