Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
