Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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