i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
