Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
