Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
