You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
