he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
