So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
