We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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