i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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