Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
