Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
