I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
