tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
