I want to walk on stilts...naked
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize