My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize