Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
