I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
