I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
