i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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