Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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