Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
