i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
