Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
