Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
