Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
