Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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