You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
