I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
