Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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