Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
