i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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