Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
