drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
