Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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