If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
