i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
