WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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