thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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