The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
