I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
