I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
