Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
