Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
