i think i have herpe
just one?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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