i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
