Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
