Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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