Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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