Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There r osticjed everywhere
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
