We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize