I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
