If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
