She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
