you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
