You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize