Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
