just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
