What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize