i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
