I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
