I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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