His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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